We’ve checked off another of the many tasks required to complete this adoption – the International Adoption Seminar at Buckner. This was a day-long seminar that was attended by about 8 other couples including ourselves, and we enjoyed the content as well as getting to know other families in the adoption process.
We continue to be pleased with Buckner. Their staff is wonderful, and we learned during this seminar that the head of their Russian adoption program used to actually work in a Russian orphanage. She told us a little bit about working there, and one really sad, but not surprising bit of information. She was told when she started working with her room of 10 three year olds, not to hug the children. If you start hugging them, they said, you’ll never get anything done. Just meeting the basic needs of 10 three year olds took up all of her time. Isn’t that sad?
The content of the seminar was mostly about attachment and bonding issues, race and cultural identity, and other issues common to adopting a child no matter what country they come from. Some interesting points that were good reminders:
- Adoptive parents need to avoid any expectations throughout the process. You just set yourself up for disappointment. You never know how long something is going to take, what’s going to happen in-country, who the child is going to feel most comfortable with, etc.
- While WE know that we’re taking our child to a better place, where he’ll be loved and well taken care of, his reality will be that we are taking him from the only home he knows and the only people he knows. There’s no way for him to understand, particularly if we get a child as young as we hope, and it will be no surprise for him to be upset and confused.
- Children adopted from orphanages may have moderate to extreme difficulty bonding with their new parents. Much of their future success in attachment depends on whether they have ever been attached to someone in the past. If our child has been attached to at least one care-giver, he will be much more likely to bond with us easily.
A quick update as to where we are in the process: we are working on finishing the pile of paperwork and forms, notarizations and doctor’s appointments for the second stage of the application process. A lovely couple from our church told us yesterday that they are planning to manage a fund-raiser for us! We are overwhelmed by their kindness and generosity.
We continue to pray that God would provide peace during this time, and that our child would be preserved from harm and would be shown affection until we can bring him home.
We are grateful for every dollar that helps bring our little boy home. If you feel led and are able to donate you can click here. Thank you!