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We’ve checked off another of the many tasks required to complete this adoption – the International Adoption Seminar at Buckner. This was a day-long seminar that was attended by about 8 other couples including ourselves, and we enjoyed the content as well as getting to know other families in the adoption process.
We continue to be pleased with Buckner. Their staff is wonderful, and we learned during this seminar that the head of their Russian adoption program used to actually work in a Russian orphanage. She told us a little bit about working there, and one really sad, but not surprising bit of information. She was told when she started working with her room of 10 three year olds, not to hug the children. If you start hugging them, they said, you’ll never get anything done. Just meeting the basic needs of 10 three year olds took up all of her time. Isn’t that sad?
The content of the seminar was mostly about attachment and bonding issues, race and cultural identity, and other issues common to adopting a child no matter what country they come from. Some interesting points that were good reminders:
- Adoptive parents need to avoid any expectations throughout the process. You just set yourself up for disappointment. You never know how long something is going to take, what’s going to happen in-country, who the child is going to feel most comfortable with, etc.
- While WE know that we’re taking our child to a better place, where he’ll be loved and well taken care of, his reality will be that we are taking him from the only home he knows and the only people he knows. There’s no way for him to understand, particularly if we get a child as young as we hope, and it will be no surprise for him to be upset and confused.
- Children adopted from orphanages may have moderate to extreme difficulty bonding with their new parents. Much of their future success in attachment depends on whether they have ever been attached to someone in the past. If our child has been attached to at least one care-giver, he will be much more likely to bond with us easily.
A quick update as to where we are in the process: we are working on finishing the pile of paperwork and forms, notarizations and doctor’s appointments for the second stage of the application process. A lovely couple from our church told us yesterday that they are planning to manage a fund-raiser for us! We are overwhelmed by their kindness and generosity.
We continue to pray that God would provide peace during this time, and that our child would be preserved from harm and would be shown affection until we can bring him home.
We are grateful for every dollar that helps bring our little boy home. If you feel led and are able to donate you can click here. Thank you!
Yep, this is me. :) Thanks for checking out my site.
My parents adopted late in life and have never been happier! Seems like this is keeping them young.
As long as your child looks like a European Russian, as opposed to an East Asian appearance, chances are your child will always be assumed to be yours by blood as well (I saw your photo on your front page). Nothing at all wrong with East Asian. I’m white, and my daughter’s mother is Japanese. My daughter looks very Japanese, and I’m often asked if she’s adopted. This isn’t a problem for her, as she knows half of her DNA is mine. I think it might be more uncomfortable if that were not the case though. Of course, most important will be the care you give your child as the parents.
If there is a lot of love and a child is really wanted then the adoption is much more chance of being successful no matter what race the child and parents are.
Beautiful story. We are also condsidering adopting a Russian child. I have met many and they all appear to be so appreciative and happy children, but I suppose that you can say that of many orphans. Which orphanage did you visit on the program? We visited one near Omsk and plan to return in October.
We haven’t visited an orphanage yet. That will happen after we get a referral.
I was adopted, and maybe its hard on a kid when they are younger but when they get to be my age (35) the adoption factor doesnt even matter. The only parents you care about are the ones who raise you. Don’t worry about bonding, just stick it out for the long run and it will happen.
I have many friends who have adopted children from foreign countries (we live in Australia and most have come from African countries). And although they each had their own unique struggles to begin with, all of these children are happy and healthy and most of all LOVED in their new homes. Many of the families I know endevour to travel to their children’s hometowns to visit family that are still there. They believe in not changing the child’s culture, but embracing it. Best of luck.
No matter where you come from, no matter which nationality you are … Love, warmth and care – that is the main thing to bring up children. And of course iron nerves and military endurance
So admire you Randa. Never an easy path to take I am sure, so many hurdles that must bring up so much emotion. My heart goes out to you. fingers crossed that all will work out well.
Amen about not having any expectations! It’s so difficult when you hear about other agencies or other families who are moving quicker than you are, but every case is different.
Attachment issues can happen even when a child is being raised by his or her birth parent, if that parent is unable or unwilling to meet the child’s needs during those early years. So attachment problems aren’t unique to adopted children. Our son spent two years being loved by his birth parents, then two years being loved by the caregivers at his orphanage. When we brought him home, he knew how to give and receive love already, so his attachment to us was quick and smooth. We still have our little hiccups, but it is nowhere near what we read about during our pre-adoption education. We were prepared for much worse, and are blessed that his transition has been so wonderful.
God bless! Your family will experience God’s love like never before throughout this process.